July 25

2oz strawberry formula w/milk

6.5oz blueberry smoothie w/formula

1 bite porkchop

1/2 granola bar

1/4 cup fruit cocktail

1 doughnut

1 poptart

3 blueberry chips

Welcome to my world.

As my first blog, this will be more of a back story about myself and how I've come to lose hope in the world. I am young by most standards, at only just yesterday 24 years old. I have two children and a stepchild with my wife of 5 years. We do not have our stepson because the natural father lied in court and pulled it off because the court ignored evidence that the lie was in fact that... a lie. This same 'father' has father two other children from two other people and doesn't even raise the son I get to see. His parents raise this child and are raising him under the same methods they raised the 'father'... that money makes happiness. As for my children, we lost our youngest to lovely CPS who were out to save the world and came across us. Our child was very underweight at a year old and we were too slow to catch it since there were underlying breastfeeding conditions we didn't catch as well. Needless to say we acted too late and recovered too little before CPS decided we did not deserve that child. We were unfit to parent that one, but our other child would be just fine at home with us. Little sense as this makes, thats how it has been for nearly a year and a half as we've fought to get our child home. Of course there are many people out there who are unable to see the thousands of cases of CPS abusing their near limitless rights, and under this we are lost in the books as more collateral damage. This of course, has jaded me even more as to the competency of our ruling bodies to make sure their organization are doing the right thing.

I've slowly grown to hate the world as a whole. I don't hate the individuals, just the networks and bodies that know what's best for us all. Politics rule the world and destroy lives to make points. Along this point, it should be known we are low income, and therefor struggling in this post-collapse economy. I have many talents and skills, and am extremely intelligent with proven aptitudes. However, I am unable to get a job to make use of my abilities since I do not have the funds to acquire the piece of paper saying I deserve a job. I do not hate all those better off than myself, but everyday I see many of these people living lives oblivious to the world around them and who do not deserve the lavish lives they have. Thugs who think beating their girls and teaching children to curse and join gangs, driving around in big new SUV's with rims that cost more than my whole vehicle. It honestly makes me sick how ungrateful these people are and how little they give to others. All these people only take.

I believe I've gone on long enough and covered too many topics to remain cohesive in thought as it's early/late and I'm tired. I'll try to stick to one topic per post in the future, however it may take much venting to get to that point. As for right now, I believe my general thoughts have been conveyed fairly well. I'm angry, jaded, feeling hopeless, and saddened at the worsening conditions of our world. Maybe as I post and read my own thoughts aloud, I'll be able to come to terms better with my anger, and understand what I can do to offer true help to others. Hopefully from my thoughts here, others will be able to see a bright light in the life they have when compared to mine. Reading it may not be the same as living it, but I assure you, many days the stress and hopelessness make me feel like I'm living for no reason at all.